Dear Tom
by Chelz Potter
Summary: “I’ll never forgive you Tom. How can I? It is because of you that I’m like this. I love you. I hate you. I trusted you. You used me. You told me you’d always be there for me. I believed you. I want forget you… but I can’t.” – Ginny writes her last journal


Dear Tom,

Are you here Tom? Can you hear me? Please answer me.

I'll never forgive you Tom. How can I? It is because of you that I'm like this. I love you. I hate you. I trusted you. You used me. You told me you'd always be there for me. I believed you. I want forget you… but I can't.

The memory of you is always with me. It haunts me. I even have dreams of you. Sometimes a wake up in the night terrified from the nightmare I just had. Once I dreamt that you were chasing me. I was trying to run but my legs felt like lead. I couldn't move fast enough. You were laughing at me. It wasn't a pleasant laugh. It was a sinister laugh. You were catching up to me. Then you drew out your wand and pointed it at me. I woke up after that covered in sweat. Another time I dreamt we were getting married. The dream started of really happy. I was wearing a beautiful wedding dress and my father was walking me down the isle. I saw you at the alter smiling sweetly at me. But then the dream changed. The closer I got to you the less I liked the idea of marrying you. By the time I was standing next to you I wanted nothing more then to turn and run. I couldn't run though. My feet were glued to the ground. Your hand was gripping my arm so hard it hurt. I tried to tell you to stop. I tried to tell you that you were hurting me. You didn't listen to me though. Instead you turned to face me. With a sinister smile on your face you told me not to run. There was no point. I could never escape you.

You might be right. I can't seem to escape you. I try so hard to forget you but you never leave me. The scars of what you did to me are still there. Permanently etched on to my mind. I just can't get rid of you.

I hate you. I hate you for everything you did to me. You made me believe that you loved me. That you cared for me. That you would always be there for me to help me through the tough times. I told you everything. I poured my soul out into your pages. I even told you about how much I liked Harry.

Harry. The one person you have never been able to control. The one person who defeated you. I liked him so much back then. But now I'm starting to think differently. I really did like Harry. My feelings towards him were real but I think I almost loved you as well.

That's what you do to people don't you Tom. You make people believe you love them. You trick them into loving you back. I did love you in a twisted way. In a way that seemed like a dream. Maybe it was just because you possessed me. Then again, maybe not. You always were perfect. The way you spoke to me. You were always so charming. I even caught myself thinking that I wished Harry could be more like you.

But know I'm glad Harry isn't anything like you. You are evil. I just didn't see it then. I didn't know that behind your handsome face was an evil soul. I only saw the person you pretended to be. Harry isn't like that. He doesn't use people like you used me. He doesn't trick people like you tricked me. He cares for me. You only pretended to care for me.

For a while I really did think you cared for me. You always seemed so sincere. You were like a best friend. Someone I could bare my soul to. I always trusted you. But you were only pretending. You betrayed me. You were only using me to become more powerful. You possessed me into doing your evil deeds. People were almost killed because of what you did to me. Hermione was even petrified.

After a while I did start to believe that something suspicious was happening. I sometimes would forget things. Like were I was when the attacks were happening. I'd wake up with rooster feathers all over my robes with no memory of how they got there. I'd wake up in some dark corridor without any memory of walking there. I decided that I should get rid of you.

I flushed you down the toilet. It didn't work though. Harry found you only a few days after. When I saw him with it I panicked. I didn't want him to find out anything I had written in there. I didn't want him to know that I liked him. I had to steal the diary back. I snuck into there bedroom one day to look for it.

When I started to write in the diary again I was surprised. You didn't sound like you were pleased to hear from me again. You kept asking why Harry wasn't writing in it anymore. You soon turned back into your usual charming self though. It wasn't long before all my suspicions disappeared. I went back to writing in your diary daily.

By that point I was beyond help. I was so obsessed with you. You could control me. You could make me do almost anything. You told me to write my own farewell message. You told me to go into the Chamber of Secrets. I did exactly what you told me. I didn't have any strength left to resist you. I went down into the chamber. The last thing I remember was feeling very weak. I remember watching you come out of the diary. Then I fainted.

The next thing I remember was waking up next to Harry. The basilisk had bitten him. He had risked his life just to save me. It was then that I finally realised how different you and Harry were. He was everything you will never be.

Three years later and I still can't forget you. I thought that will be the last time I saw this Diary again. Imagine my horror when I opened a draw in an old dresser on the third floor. I was supposed to be looking for Trevor. Instead I found this Diary. The last I heard it was at Malfoy Manor. Harry said Malfoy's father had taken it home. I don't know how it ended up here again.

As soon as I saw it I closed the draw again. I didn't want to look at it but the memory of you brought me back. I was still haunted by you. About how I had loved you in a weird way. This diary hasn't changed since I saw it last. It still has the whole in the middle of it. There is red ink all over the pages. At the moment I'm only writing in the bits that aren't covered in red. I don't want to touch the red ink. To me the ink is like your blood. I don't want to get that close to you. Look at what happened the last time I got that close.

I loved you Tom. You betrayed me. You've scarred me. You still haunt my memories. I can't get rid of the image of you coming out of the diary. I don't know if I can get over you. But I have too. I have to move on but it is so hard. I've spent nights crying myself to sleep over you. I hate you. I hate you with all my heart.

I want to say that you mean nothing to me but that would be lying. You were everything to me. Now I just can't get rid of you.

But your not answering me, are you Tom? I've been writing in here for ages and you still have not given me one word. I guess you have left these pages once and for all. Only your blood remains. If you're gone then why can't I forget?

You scarred me Tom. I don't know if you will ever truly leave me.

And for that I hate you.


End file.
